Helping Hands
by elitemassacre6
Summary: When she finds Rachel sitting outside the school doors in the cold waiting for her father to pick her up two hours after he should have been there, Santana offers to drive her home. What follows changes Rachel's life forever. Warning: Character death.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Don't even ask me where the inspiration for this one came from because I don't know.

The last thing she thought she'd see when she finally left the school two hours after glee and at least an hour and a half after she'd planned to was Rachel Berry sitting there on a bench hugging herself and her coat closer. It was snowing out and the girl was shivering, looking down at her phone as she dialed into it.

"Hi, daddy it's me calling again. Why aren't you answering your phone? Did you forget we're supposed to go pick up my car today? I'm still waiting in front of the school for you. I left a message on Dad's phone too but I know he's at work at the hospital for another few hours and he probably won't even have the opportunity to look at it until then. Just... please call me back when you get this. Bye, love you." Santana watched as she chewed on her lip then hung up her phone and got up, tucking small hands into her jacket. It looked like she was going to walk.

"Berry." The girl turned around and the taller brunette quickly registered surprise and exhaustion through her expression.

"Santana, hello. What can I do for you?"

"Nothing. I'm gonna drive you home. Seeing a human Berry flavored Popsicle on the side of the road seems like the type of thing that could permanently damage a kids psyche. Apparently I'm in the business of preventing that. Hence me telling you how horrible your wardrobe is on a daily basis."

"Santana that isn't necessary, my father is on his way." The Latina rolled her eyes.

"Which one, huh? The one that was supposed to be here two hours ago or the one who's at the work at Lima General and probably won't see his phone until he gets a horrifically short coffee break?"

"You... heard me leaving the voice mail."

"I did, dwarf. Now that we've covered that, you want a ride or would you prefer to die of hypothermia and never reach your dreams of Broadway super stardom?" The two of them were standing near her car by this point, and seeing as she was head cheerio at least until Quinn was back in shape to take her place, her spot was right up front in staff parking next to Coach Sylvester's. It was lucky. Berry looked like she was five seconds from freezing to death. She hit the button that unlocked the doors on her Audi A8, opening the rear door to toss her duffel bag in and then sliding into the drivers seat, turning the heat up high. When she looked over Rachel was fastening her seat belt. The diminutive girl put her hands in her lap afterwards, obviously reluctant to say or do anything.

"Fucking relax, hobbit. I'm not gonna murder you or something. Put your address in the gps. How far away do you live?" Rachel typed her address into the mobile gps unit attached to the dashboard before looking over.

"Eleven and a half miles."

"You were about to walk eleven and half miles in this weather? Are you fucking insane? That's a recipe for hypothermia with the way you're dressed. That pea coat ain't cuttin' it." The other girl shrugged then pushed a lock of hair out of her face, looking out the window as they drove out of the parking lot and hit the main road, Santana turning left as she followed the directions the gps gave her.

"I had no other option. And i'm worried about my father. This has never happened before. He's punctual and dependable by nature. I just hope everything's ok. He's been having really severe headache's lately so dad set him up an appointment with a neurologist for tomorrow."

"What kind of doctor is your dad?" Santana asked as she hit a light, she was only a few minutes from the smaller brunette's house.

"He's a pediatric surgeon. Your father is a surgeon too, right?" She was tempted just tell the diva that they weren't playing 20 fucking questions, but she let it go. It was way easier to be nice, sure. And although thinking like that had only ever got her screwed over in the past, it was only Berry.

"Neurologic. You said something when you were leaving that voice mail about going to pick up your car. What is it?" Rachel brightened slightly, smiling just barely.

"It's a Lexus LS Hybrid. I'm excited, it's my first car!"

"Nice ride, Berry. Still not competing with my baby though. 'specially not with a damn hybrid. But I suppose it makes you slightly less lame. Walking eleven miles when it's like six degrees outside is not for future stars. Congrats on the car."

"Um...thank you I suppose. There's nothing wrong with a hybrid, Santana. In fact I believe the world would be better off if more people chose to drive such practically beneficial vehicles. I plan on buying a purely electric vehicle once they're available. Chevrolet is working on one now." the latina laughed, shaking her head.

"Yea right. I'll stick with my W12. You can drive around some weird robot car if you want."

"I will." When they finally turned to last corner and Rachel could see her house, she frowned. It looked like her daddy's car was parked crooked, and she could see that he'd crashed into the garage.

"What the hell? Berry, your Daddy's a horrible driver." Santana parked the car and both girl's got out, walking towards her father's BMW. Rachel rushed forward and looked in the partially tinted windows to see her father bent forward, his head against a deflated air bag.

"Oh my god, Daddy?!" She opened the door and reached forward, pulling down his collar to reach his neck and feel for a pulse. It was there, but barely. Her tears were falling already and she stood up, unfastening his seat belt and turning back to Santana behind her who's dark eyes were wide.

"Santana dial 911, I don't know what happened and I don't want to try to move him in case it'll make it worse. I'm gonna call my dad again." The Latina nodded and pulled out her phone, dialing the three numbers.

A few seconds later she was telling the man who answered what was happening. Rachel dialed her father and got his voice mail. She explained the situation as best she could given how shaken up she was and they waited the five minutes it took for the ambulance to come. Rachel shaking from both the cold and the situation while Santana, surprisingly, held her hand. While they rolled her father into the ambulance and told her she couldn't fit in the back given their extra crew member, she cried.

"Hey, It'll be okay, come on. I'll drive you to the hospital, get in." Rachel barely nodded, sliding back into the passenger seat. The taller girl pulled out behind the ambulance following behind it as they headed towards Lima Memorial.

"Daddy..." Santana watched as she mumbled out what sounded like a prayer in a language she didn't understand then looked out through the glass of the window as she called her other father again. Rachel sobbed loudly when he answered, putting the phone on speaker for a reason the Latina didn't understand.

"Rachel, baby what's wrong?"

"Dad something happened to daddy. He never came to pick me up so a friend offered to bring me home and his car was crashed into the garage. He was unconscious against the air bag and I took his pulse but it was barely there and...and we called 911 and we're following the ambulance on the way to your hospital. We should be there in a couple of minutes, we just around the corner. Do you have a surgery? Can you be there when we come in?"

"Hey, Rachel calm down baby I'll be there. We'll find out what's going on and they'll take care of your dad as best they can. Are you riding with him in the ambulance or is your friend bringing you to the hospital?"

"She's bringing me."

"Ok. Ok good. I'll be waiting for you when you get here. I love you, little one."

"I love you too, dad." She disconnected the line and closed her eyes, struggling to breathe. it was rare these days that she had panic attacks, but the panic and worry that was clouding her ability to think clearly right now was familiar. They were at least a few minutes behind the ambulance, what if her daddy didn't even make it to the hospital?

"Hey, Berry calm down. You have to be okay for your dad. He'll freak out if both you and your other dad are in the hospital. Just breathe okay? Breathe for me. You're okay, Rachel." Santana pulled over in the valet lane and got out of the car, crossing around to pull Rachel out too, rubbing at the shorter girl's back and hugging her tight so she could feel and then match her breathing.

"Come on, breathe Rachel."

She handed over a twenty to the valet guy as the shorter girl's breathing came back to normal, her sobs racking her body. The Latina walked them inside and towards the tall Jewish man standing in the emergency area. Having to stop when Rachel clung to her again.

"Shh, Rachel. You're okay. Look, here comes your dad. We'll see if we can find out what's happening." She frowned at who she surmised to be Hiram Berry as he took his daughter in his arms. She recognized that look in the surgeon's eyes from when her abuelo had died the year before. There was no good news to give. She didn't know how Rachel would get through this. She convinces herself that it's that as well as remembering for herself how it feels to lose someone you're that close to that has wetness welling in her eyes. This scenario is all too familiar.

Her father is alive and well though she barely sees him. She was raised by her grandparents because of how much her father worked. Her abuela died when she was seven and then her grandfather when she was fifteen. She's never had a mother. Maria Lopez died giving birth to her. She knows her father wishes it had been her who died as an infant and her mother who lived. Sometimes she feels the same.

She's finally pulled from her head when Hiram looks to her and smiles wearily.

"Why don't you go sit down baby girl, I'm going to call your Aunti Viv. I'll come talk to you in a second."

"Thank you for bringing her. I know the two of you aren't exactly friends, but the both of us appreciate you driving her anyway. I know you probably have more important things to do Santana, you don't have to stay." Rachel had taken a seat in the nearest chair and slipped her earbuds in, staring off at nothing.

"Yea, I know. But I am. She shouldn't be alone right now and I know you'll probably be doing whatever it is you have to do to take care of things for a little while. Just let me stay, see what I can do for her. I've been through this before...I lost both the people I considered my parents. I won't tell her. I know you probably need to figure out how to. I'm um...I'm really sorry you lost your husband Mr. Berry."

"How do you know that?"

"It was in your eyes. Even though it's so personal you're still a doctor, more importantly a surgeon. When my papi came to tell us that my abuela had died, he looked the same way. Same thing for my abuelo. I can always recognize that look in a doctors eyes." She buried her hands in the pockets of her cheerio winter pants and leaned against the pillar she was standing next to.

"I understand. I'm going to call my sister in law, since you're going to be staying for a while at least can you just sit with her?"

"Yea. By the way, sir...I'm really sorry for the way I've treated your daughter. She told me today she thinks I hate her or something and that isn't true." She didn't know what else to say regarding his loss. What can you say to someone who'd just lost their husband? She decided that the best answer was nothing.

"I understand her thinking that after some of the things you've said. But honestly, you've helped both of us today when you didn't have to. So if you intend to be my daughters friend, that's good. For you and for her.

She walked over to where the silent brunette was scrolling through the music in her phone and took a seat next to her. The smaller girl pulled a bud from her ear and looked over at her.

"What were you talking to my dad about?"

"He thanked me for bringing you here and told me I didn't have to stay since he knew that we don't get along. I told him I'd stay anyway."

"Why? You hate me. You've made it clear on numerous occasions."

"I don't hate you, okay. I'm just a bitch and a bully. There's a huge difference between that and hate. That's something I'm sure both you and I know plenty about given the general lack of intelligence of the people of this area of Ohio."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm just saying we've both been victims of hate. Racism, homophobia. That's real hate and something we've both had to live with. I don't _hate_ you. Rachel nodded in understanding, her frustration at the other girl fading away a bit.

"So you don't hate me, but you don't like me either." The small singer nodded her head like that was a natural conclusion to come to. And given the fact that just about everyone treated her like shit in different ways she guessed it was.

"I would tell you not to make assumptions but given my behavior in the past I suppose I really can't say that. Look, I do like you or whatever alright? Were it not literally in my job description as a cheerio and especially as head to be a complete asshole I could even see us being like friends or something if you were into that which I'm sure you aren't given my aforementioned treatment of you and your _actual_ friends. I'm gonna stop. I'm bound to embarrass myself if I keep talking. Imma go get a coffee from that cafe place we saw. And I think the board said something about a make your own salad thing, that should be fine for you right?

"No it's fine, I doubt the cafe has anything I can eat. And I can't have the dressings or cheese in a regular salad. I'm a vegan."

"I know that Rachel. And I saw they had some vegan peanut butter cookies on our way in. Anyway, I'll just get you a salad. That okay?" She squeezed the smaller girl's hand as she stood.

"Yes, thank you. Oh, here comes my dad, he's been working all day on top of all of this, could you get him a black coffee please?" She extended a twenty dollar bill but Santana ignored it, walking away towards the cafe and Rachel's father.

"How is she?"

"Right now? Fine. Once you tell her though we'll see. She's stronger than me but in this situation that isn't the best thing. I'm getting her a salad and maybe a tea. She said you take your coffee black?"

"Yes. Thank you. I'm going to tell her now.."

"Ok, I'm gonna get her salad. I sat a few seats down and across from her at lunch and I don't remember seeing her eat anything but a bag of baby carrots and an orange. She'd spent most of lunch in the auditorium practicing for some arrangement she was putting together." Hiram frowned at this knowledge, even more worry clouding his eyes.

"Did you sit near her at lunch yesterday or the day before?"

"Yea, she had roasted vegetable pasta and jasmine tea. She ate the day before that too. As far as school goes she only seems to miss a meal once or twice every couple of weeks. Why? Is there a problem I should be worrying about?" He shook his head, frowning down at what seemed like a text he'd gotten.

"No she isn't sick but she sometimes focuses too much on music or the club and not enough on taking care of eating and her health. But since it seems you keep on top of that, I guess I can worry less when she goes back, whenever that is. if she wants to go home will you take her? I don't want her to be alone, but she won't want to stay here."

"I have something close to an eidetic memory. It's why I can remember what she and everyone else at the table has eaten since I started sitting with them. Anyway, of course I'll take her home if she wants to go."

"Thank you Santana." He walked away towards his daughter and Santana started off towards the cafe.

It took her five or six minutes to get back and Rachel was sobbing into Hiram's blue dress shirt, unable to speak clearly. Santana set down the drinks and Rachel's salad on the coffee table in front of the two Berry's.

"Do you want to see him, Baby? Say goodbye?"

"No...no I can't. I can't dad. I can't see him like that again. When I left for school I told him goodbye, I told him I loved him. That will have to be how I remember him, smiling at me from the kitchen and telling me he loved me." Hiram nodded, hugging her close.

"I understand, baby. I need to say goodbye. I may be awhile, and you're aunt Viv should be here in an hour. I have to wait for her. Do you want to stay or go home?"

"I just want to go home, dad. I can't be in this hospital right now."

"Alright, Santana will take you. I know you haven't really eaten today, so she got you some food and some tea. Please eat for me star. You and me, we're all we have now. We have to take care of ourselves and of each other ok?" Rachel nodded into his shoulder, hugging him tighter.

"Ok, daddy. I love you."

"I love you too, baby girl. Go ahead and go home. I'll text you every hour or so until I'm on the way. Santana, thank you so much."

"You're welcome, Mr. Berry." Hiram nodded to her as she picked up her empty tea cup and tossed it, picking up the container that held Rachel's salad and started towards the door, handing her tag to the valet girl. She opened Rachel's car door for her when her Audi arrived, sighing as the silent girl slid into the car silently. A few moments later they were headed back towards the short brunette's house, her smaller hands in Santana's barely larger one.

"Thank for all your help Santana. I'm um...I'm sure you had better things to do." Santana looked over and squeezed her hand, shaking her head.

"Nope. Supporting and helping you through this today is the best thing I can think of doing, ok? Are you sure you want to be along at home? I'm sorry for mentioning it or whatever but I know how difficult it is to sleep in a home that holds a million memories of what you've lost. I know you're hurting, and there's nothing I can do to stop that, but if I can make it better for you Rachel I will." The shorter brunette wanted to pull her hand away, demand that Santana stop pretending she cared. She wanted to scream. Take it all out on her the way she felt the Latina had been taking her own pain out on her since they were seven.

"I...don't want to be alone, no. If you're sure you have nothing important to do, I would like it if you stayed with me as long as you can. A lot of our family lives in the state or in Chicago and I know they'll be coming in so I don't know when he'll come home. It will most likely be pretty late. definitely after midnight."

"If you're ok with me staying overnight I can take the couch."

"I have a guest room you can stay in."

"K. I just thought about it, but did your dad call the school to tell them you'll be absent for a while?" Rachel looked at her , brow raised in a way that instantly reminded the latina of Quinn.

"I can't miss school Santana. I'm going to have to miss for the funeral and I won't skip more than that. My current record of having never been tardy or absent is important for my record to make it clear to Nyada or Juliard that I'm dedicated to my future and will work hard to get there. That was something that was important to my father, and it's important to me." Santana looked at her, searching for the trademark look on Rachel's face that always told her she was being both serious and honest.

"Is that what it's really about? Or do you not just not want to be in that house probably alone with your memories for the next few days? You can always stay with me. I'll call in and stay in, take care of you. I know Mr. Berry was worried about you eating when you're worried or focused on something else. I'll like...i don't know, cook for you and shit. I looked up some vegan recipes after that one time you brought in those cookies. They were so awesome I was curious.

"I...suppose it is more that I don't think I can be in that house alone for whatever time frame Dad deems appropriate. But I don't know that I'm comfortable staying with you Santana. Today's events mark the only time we've ever shared any words together that weren't insults or glee related since we were seven. I'm thankful for what you've done, but I can't just...trust you. I'm not capable of that with you. Not anymore."

"I get that. And I'm sorry, seriously. I've fucked up a lot with you. Everyone else too, I know...but I regret the things I've said and done to you more than anyone but Quinn because she depended on me and I dropped her like she wasn't worth my time when she got pregnant...I just mean, you don't deserve any of what I've done, and I like you as a person you know. I've always liked you and wanted to be your friend and I'm sorry I chose to be a shitty person instead of chilling and hanging out with you the way I've always wanted to. If you decide you'd rather stay with me instead of at home just call me.

"What makes you think I have your phone number?"

"You asked for everyone's number once we had twelve members. You said it was your responsibility as Captain to be able to easily contact any of us in the event of an emergency. You gave me yours too. It's in my phone."

"As what? Man hands? Treasure Trail? Ru Paul?" Santana sighed...she deserved it, she knew. She handed over her phone when hey hit a stop sign on an empty street, swiping in her password.

"It's in here as Rachel? I don't understand."

"I don't think of you as any of those things. Shit, I'm sorry I ever said any of them. You won't hear me say them again."

"But what about school? You're head cheerio, doesn't Coach Sylvester expect certain behavior from you?" She shrugged as they finally pulled into the Berry driveway, the dent in the garage the only physical evidence of what had happened hours before. Her Daddy's car was absent.

"Yea. But she honestly told me that I was the best cheerio she's ever had, and that me, Q, and B were her top girls of all time. She won't kick us off just because we don't want to be horrible people anymore. And I know Q doesn't after she finally realizes what it's like to have people care about her and support her as far as the club goes. She won't want to let that go if she doesn't have to. I made coach a proposition. Quinn will be captain again, with me and B as sub-cap's. She removes the slushy machines from school. She won't try and sabotage glee, but she's free to fuck with Shue whenever she wants. I only have to keep the captain spot until Quinn's back in shape and it's healthy and safe for her." The two girl's got out of the car and Rachel opened her front door, the tears already heavy in her clear brown eyes. She was surprised by the arms that surrounded her, rubbing her back.

"It's ok, Rachel. You sure you don't want to come stay with me?" Rachel pulled away, shaking her head.

"I'm fine. I'll be fine."

"Alright. Here, why don't you sit down and eat your salad, K? I'm gonna go get my duffel bag and change." Santana walked back out the front door and to her car, retrieving her bag and then slipping back inside the house. She heard the sobs immediately. She dropped her bag and looked into the kitchen, standing, sobbing over a container of what looked like stir fry was Rachel Berry.

"Rachel what's wrong?"

"Daddy...he made this for dinner last night...it was so good. He was such a great cook. And he made me this vegan banana split ice cream. God, I miss him. Who's going to cook dinner for dad? I can bake but I can't cook like him."

"Hey, shh. Everything's okay. We can look up some vegan recipes together and I can cook really well, so we'll figure it out together." Rachel nodded and opened the refrigerator to put the stir fry away and reach for her favorite vinaigrette for her salad. Her tears fell renewed.

"I forgot he made this for me...I can't do this. I can't be in this house right now. Can I...is it okay if I stay with you?"

"I told you Rachel that's perfect cool with me. Go pack a bag and we can get going. Is it okay if I call your dad from your phone? I'm going to let him know you're staying with me."

"Ok." She typed her password in then the small girl breathed deep, steeling herself as she headed towards the stairs. Santana found the number and dialed it quickly, a frown on her face. She worried for the Berrys. Hiram had seemed like a strong man overall, but she knew from experience how much of that was likely him trying to be strong for his crumbling daughter.

"Hi, Rach, everything ok?"

"This isn't Rachel, Mr. Berry. It's Santana. Rachel's having some trouble being in the house as I'm sure you can imagine. She's asked to stay with me for the night. I'm going to give you my home and cell number plus my address. I asked her about maybe taking some time off of school but she doesn't really want to do that and I thought that might be something you'd want to consider talking to her about. If in the end she takes no time off except for the funeral I promise you I'll look after her and protect her to the best of my ability." She leaned back against the island, arms crossed over her chest. It didn't make her feel any less vulnerable, revealing how much she truly cared for someone had only ever ended with her in tears.

"I can see that you care about her, Santana. I believe you. I'll talk to her about taking some time off. She'll wear herself out if she goes, I know it. Thank you for calling. Go ahead and give me your information." Santana quickly gave the man her address and phone numbers, just hanging up the phone when Rachel descended the stairs. They were in the car and on the way to the Latina's lonely home in the next few minutes. It was another ten before they pulled into the garage and Santana grabbed both she and Rachel's bags to carry them inside while the quiet girl followed her inside and up to her room.

"I just wanted to drop my bag off. Follow me, I'll drop yours in the guest room. You can sleep in there" The taller girl led the way to the room down the hall a bit and pushed the door open, placing the overnight bag on the duvet.

"Thank you, Santana. I'll probably just eat my salad then call my dad and see what's going on. I won't bother you."

"Rachel, you don't bother me. I'm pretty hungry too, maybe I'll eat with you then we can just watch something? A movie or some tv. You can pick whatever. Come on, follow me, we can eat in the kitchen. I have a pretty serious peanut butter craving going on right about now. I make these grilled peanut butter sandwiches. With homemade caramelized fruit jams. And I put cayenne and cumin in the peanut butter so it's this combination of nutty, sweet, spicy. It's good."

"That...sounds rather delicious actually. I would try that if the bread was vegan."

"I don't know how to tell if it's vegan. I read online that bread has like a whole bunch of milk byproducts in it and so I didn't know what to look for. Then I saw that I could just make it but I don't know anything about that and I'm not a great baker so I left it alone.

"I can tell you, let's take a look at what you've got." Rachel turned the bread over, reading the label carefully.

"It look's like this is vegan. This is a smaller salad that I usually eat for a full meal, would you mind making me a sandwich as well?" Santana smiled, and shook her head as she pulled out her fruit spread, spices, and peanut butter. The shorter girl dug into her salad while she watched her put it all together. She hadn't noticed how hungry she was, but the hunger pangs had been bothering her for the last hour now that she thought about it. The spinach, cranberry, apple salad with her daddy's homemade strawberry vinaigrette was delicious, but she was definitely still hungry. More than anything, she knew, she would miss just having him there to talk to, to hug when she felt like it. She smiled when Santana set a delicious looking sandwich in front of her.

"Bon Appetit." Her first bite had her closing her eyes, humming quietly.

"Oh my god, Santana. This is so so delicious."

"You really think so? I worked pretty hard on putting it together. I made the jam vegan in case you would ever you know want to try it. I never really had the balls to ask you to come over and cook with me, though. I figured you'd laugh in my face. I would have deserved it. anyway, I'm glad you like it Rach. Maybe we can do a thing where we have a day on the weekend, and we can just cook together. Like maybe you can teach me to bake and since you said you can't cook very well I can teach you how to do that? I mean if you want to hang out with me. I know i'm not exactly even on your list of people you want to be friends with but I want to be."

"I think maybe that wouldn't be a bad idea. I can barely believe the fact that I have to move forward with my life without him, if you understand. But I think it would be fun to do that. Me and Daddy used to cook together. He'd make dinner and I'd make desert. He could have been a chef. Honestly Santana. He said he took pre med and went to medical school at Berkeley with dad because he couldn't be away from him.

"They met in high school, you know. He told me once that it was hard for them but in the end it was worth all the pain because they had each other and they had me. I don't think I've ever known anyone who had a love like that. I used to think perhaps you had it with Brittany but I've changed my mind since."

"Britt's straight. It took two years of us experimenting and figuring things out together for her to realize that. I can't be angry with her. Not anymore. If I have to be hurt so she can be happy then it's worth it. She and Mike are good together, you know. I'd never take that away from her. Anyway, it's been a few months and I'm good. It hurt less to get over it because I loved her as a friend a long time before everything got complicated. I think when you love someone, forgiving them can go one of two ways. Either it won't hurt as much because you just want to see them happy or it'll feel like she physically cut your chest open, pulled your heart out, stepped all over it, and kept it anyway. There's really only two options as far as I can tell."

"I'll keep that in mind for future reference. I try to be optimistic in nature and I would hope that if I ever love someone as much as you love her or more that things will finally just be okay. That whoever they are will love me just as much and we can have the type of romance my fathers have...or...god, I guess had. My dad is so devastated. He tried to be strong for me but I could tell he just wanted my father back. I'm worried about him."

"He's just as worried about you. Me too, Rachel. And I understand how you feel. My dad, he lost my mom, my grandmother and grandfather all within fifteen years. He was never really anything like your dad really, he's barely around. So I was raised by my grandparents. My abuela died when I was seven and my abuelo died last year so I moved in with him but I barely see him, maybe once or twice a month. I'm starting to think maybe he got an apartment somewhere, which is why he never comes home. I can't be sure though. Either way I live alone. I like to think that he's only like this because he lost my mom when she died giving birth to me and he's just lost without her, but I think he somehow blames me even though it couldn't be my fault...I don't know." Rachel was beyond shocked. Santana was alone completely? She remembered Santana only started bullying her when she was seven, and now that she thought about it, it had gotten much worse at the start of sophomore year.

"Oh my god is that what it was? When you started picking on me I wondered what got you to change so drastically and i guess I know now. I mean we weren't friends, but you were nice and polite and then you just came in one day and started pushing me around. I was thoroughly confused. I remember, Daddy told me not to judge you, that something may be bothering you and I should turn the other cheek."

"I'm so sorry. I was just a kid and I was hurting and you tried talking to me the first day I came back and I just blew up at you but it was an accident. I just wanted to be left alone and everyone kept acting like everything was fine when I _knew_ it wasn't. You asked me if I wanted to play hopscotch or tag with you but I didn't understand how anyone could play or laugh if my abuela was gone. That's all it was. It took me years to start to try and learn to just live like everyone else again. But then my abuelo died and I had lost the people I considered my parents. I had nothing left but Quinn and Britt. But then Britt left me to go start dating Mike and Quinn got pregnant and everything just fell apart. I didn't know what to do so I just lashed out like I always end up doing." It made sense. In fact Rachel thought it was exactly how she'd feel when she went back to school Monday. She wouldn't tell the club. They didn't care about her or her daddy and the last thing she needed was fake condolences and Mr. Shue's brand of bullshit sincerity.

"I understand. And I'm...I think I just want to sleep really if it's okay for me to cancel on our movie watching plans."

"Of course it is. Go ahead. I'll probably go to bed too after I take care of this. I hope you sleep okay. Night, Rachel."

The Latina watched as the other girl left the kitchen and headed up the stairs. She worried about her for obvious reasons. One being the fact that she'd had nightmares for the first four months after loosing her grandmother and she didn't want that for the already fragile girl. She was thankful she was a light sleeper. If Rachel woke up with a nightmare and needed her she'd be there.


	2. Chapter 2

"Dad?! Daddy!" Santana got out of her bed and walked over to the guest room as soon as she heard the tearful screams, pushing open the door when she heard the sniffles that signified Rachel was waking from her nightmare. It had been six days since Rachel's father Leroy had died from what had turned out to be an aneurysm, two days since his funeral. The star still didn't seem to be ready to move back into her house despite the fact that she was to return there the next day. Santana was more than willing to let her stay, honestly...Being even just a little less alone was a gift horse she'd never look in the mouth...and it being Rachel made it even better.

Walking over and sitting on the edge of the bed, the latina grabbed a tissue from the box on the bedside table and wiped gently at barely swollen eyes. When Rachel looked up at her with fresh tears in her eyes, the taller girl gathered her up into her arms.

"Rachel it's okay. Your dad is go-he's fine, he's okay. Want to call him?" Saying he was good seemed like the wrong thing. Losing your husband and having your daughter pull away from you while she attempted to keep herself together didn't seem like the type of things that could make a man feel good. For all she knew he was alone at the house crying his eyes out and falling apart himself. She'd do what she could from her side to get the Berry's back to some resemblance of the family she'd always been a little envious of.

"No...it's late and I don't even want him to know I'm having these nightmares. He'll just worry even more...he's already dealing with so much with everyone having finally gone home. He shouldn't have to deal with me falling apart at the seams."

"He's your dad he's gonna worry there's nothing you can do about that. It's the way a good dad is supposed to be, I guess. I really would _not_ know, would I? But... alright." They sat there for a few minutes before Santana spoke again.

"You okay Rachel?" Eyes finally dry, she nodded, removing herself from strong, soft skinned arms to lay back with her head on the pillow.

"Yes, I'm okay. Thank you." the latina nodded and stood to leave. Pausing to look back as she remembered that she'd said the same things only to realize; once she was alone, that she was so far from okay it was ridiculous. She sat back down on the edge of the bed and reached to brush a few stray strands of hair from the star's eyes.

"If you ever think to yourself 'I don't think I'm okay' just call for me, Rach. I'll always come to help, K?"

"Yes."

"Alright...I'll see you in the morning. Goodnight again." When the taller girl stood Rachel reached her hand out and wrapped her fingers around Santana's.

"Can you stay with me? It'll help me sleep. I wouldn't ask, but I've been so exhausted I've barely been sleeping. Every time I do I see daddy's face when I opened his car door and in my dreams dad's gone too and I'm just...alone."

"Yea. Scoot over tiny." Santana lay down on the bed, wrapping her arms around her friend as soon as she was comfortable. Pulling the star into her chest, she closed her own eyes and breathed deep.

"You're not alone by the way. If you have the same nightmare...just imagine I'm there, holding your hand or something. You won't be alone. I know it seems stupid, but it's what my abuelo told me when I was a kid and it worked when I had the dreams. Until he died too then I really was and nothing could fix it." The latina frowned, letting it slip just slightly when the girl in her arms reached for and grasped her hand.

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize. It's nothing you've done or could have done. My loneliness is down to my own actions and attitude and the fact that I really don't have a father. There's nothing you could do about any of those things.

"I could have tried to look past the fear I used to feel when we interacted, past the glare in your eyes and to the pain I sometimes thought I could see right below it. I could have tried to build a friendship with you but I didn't. I once thought that maybe you didn't deserve it because of all the harm you'd caused." The taller girl sighed, shrugging her shoulders noncommitedly.

"I didn't deserve you. I have a hard time thinking I do even now."

"That's not true, Santana. You have to know that."

"I...I guess. It doesn't matter now. Let's just go to bed, yea? If I talk about this too much you'll realize how much of a overly emotional idiotic loser I really am." Rachel turned in her arms to face her, wiping away the tears she hadn't realized had fallen and gazing into strong but pain filled near-black eyes.

"It's okay to be overly emotional, same for being a loser, Santana. I'm both, it's not that bad. As long as you're strong on the outside and can get help healing yourself on the inside it's fine."

"You're not a loser. You never were. And...honestly I'm so tired of being strong on the outside. That's exactly what got me where I am. Angry, hurt, friendless, lonely, weak. I just...I want to be happy and healthy mentally. I feel stupid for telling you all of this but I feel like I can be honest with you."

"Of course you can be. I'm finally coming to understand I can be just as candid with you. And that's why I'll tell you, Santana, that you aren't friendless. I know I was hesitant to trust you under a week ago and there are many reasons why this seems rushed, but I trust you. The way you've treated me since my father's...passing... has been more than amazing. It has been essential in helping keep me from falling apart in front of you. So thank you." Santana nodded, leaning into the soft thumb that was wiping away the last stray tears on her cheek.

"You're welcome." Face dry, but eyes still wet, the latina sighed and let herself fall into the way Rachel seemed to be arranging them so it was her with her head laid against the paler girl's leanly muscled shoulder.

"We really should try to fall asleep. I have no doubts that school tomorrow is going to be horribly taxing on the both of us."

"You really positive about going? I'll get someone to bring our homework and you can actually go see your dad instead of over the phone like the last couple days since the funeral. I mean I know we skipped last week but..."

"No, I'll go. I can't just start skipping whenever I'm hurting. I'll go to school...things will be fine."

"K." Rachel hugged the taller girl, closing her eyes and humming the chorus to a Coldplay song Santana couldn't remember." Slowly, they both fell into sleep, clutching onto each other the way it seemed they both needed.

"Are you sure you want to take your car? Why can't you just ride with me?"

"I don't know, Santana. Why are you so set on me not driving my own car to school?" The shorter girl didn't want to voice her fears of this being some set up for a prank that could be waiting for her once she got to school. She was truly beginning to trust the latina now and mentioning that she thought the other girl was plotting to hurt her would only end up hurting the raven-haired girl and driving a wedge between them.

"I just, as much as I hope it will Rach, I don't think everything will go perfect today and sometimes when something happens to you that you don't like you run away and I don't want you to...I don't know where you'd go and I don't want you to get hurt or... shit...I don't fucking know. If you feel like you need to leave I want us to run together." Rachel nodded. She understood.

"Okay. Then get in, because I'm driving." Santana slid into Rachel's Lexus and clicked her seatbelt, looking over when Rachel layed a hand on her shoulder.

"Thank you for worrying though, San. I don't think everything will go okay though. Finn knows."

"What? Why or how does he know? Did you call him?" The jealousy swelled up without her permission just as it always did but she bit it down, clenching her empty fists in her lap.

"Of course not. His mother Carol is a nurse at the hospital. She was at the funeral but she didn't bring Finn, I'm under the assumption that Dad may have told her that it was in my best interest not to do so. He'll have definitely told Kurt, at the least to get guidelines on how to treat me or what to say. I mean they've both lost parents but they were young. I just hope Kurt kept it between them." Santana looked over from where she'd been gazing out the window at the snow on the ground and smiled softly at the way Rachel had her hands at ten and two as she drove.

"If he cares about you he has. And last I checked he said he does. Whether or not that is still relevent I couldn't say." They pulled up to the school when she finished speaking, and she geared herself up for the battlefield McKinley always felt like, not even bothering to mentally slip on the metaphorical bitch mask she'd been wearing since she was seven. Rachel went to park near the back of the lot where there were still spaces, but she shook her head.

"No, go ahead and park in my spot. You know where it is?"

"Yes...but won't Coach Sylvester have my car towed for parking there? I mean I guess she wouldn't know it's my car but she always tells me she has her ways."

"She def does. But here, I'll put this tag here and she'll leave it be." The taller brunette hung up a tag on the rear view mirror. It read 'Head Cheerio approved'.

"Why do you need that if this is your spot?"

"Oh I have four. One for Britt and wheels, one for Q, and two other spots that are usually empty. You can just keep this one. When we drive separate cars you can use one of the vacant spots." Both girl's grabbed their bags and got out of the car, Rachel locking the doors while they stood in front of it.

"Ok then, let's go ahead in I guess. You're with me right?"

"Of course I am. For as long as you need me Rach." She grabbed the shorter girls hand and intertwined their fingers, pulling her forward towards the double doors. Santana opened the door for her with her right hand, never letting go of her other. Only a few people turned to see who was coming in, their eyes focusing back on their conversations when they saw Santana. She led Rachel down the channel that was naturally created in the mob of students when the Latina was walking anywhere and around a corner to the shorter girl's locker.

Santana watched as Rachel pulled down a picture of her dads, her eyes only slightly misty. She slipped it in her pocket and put up a picture of the two of them instead. Not smiling really, but resting. Cuddled up together on the latina's bed, the taller girl's head resting on Rachel's shoulder. It was perfect. After she switched around what she'd need for classes she closed her locker and they headed across the hall to Santana's. She was just as quick, putting up a copy of the same photo and grabbing books.

They walked to the math hallway and into Rachel's trig classroom where Santana set down next to Rachel and grabbed her attention away from her setting up her desk for maximum note taking.

"So listen, anything happens, anyone bothers you or you think about something and find yourself crying just call me or text me. Don't 911 me though unless something's really wrong okay? I'm too young and beautiful for a heart attack." Rachel giggled and slapped her friends arm.

"Okay, you goof. Go ahead and get to class. Let's try not to be late, yes?" Her friend nodded, standing from the desk she'd taken a seat at when a kind eyed geeky looking boy came in and Rachel greeted him by name and told Santana it was his seat. She squeezed Rachel's hand once as she picked up her books.

"Alright...you...Aaron was it? Take care of her while I'm gone. Anyone messes with her you defend her _and_ report it to me, got it?"

"I understand. I'll take the position seriously."

"You should. Bye Rach." When the latina walked out the door she gazed back in at Rachel talking to the Aaron guy.

"She's so silly Aaron."

"That, and she cares for you quite a lot."

"Then it's good that I care about her very much as well." Santana walked away, a huge smile on her face when she strutted into her Government class and took her usual seat. Ms. Harlen came in and instructed them to partner up and share the paper's they'd written.

"Well, you look happy."

"I seriously fucking am."

"How _is_ Rachel?"

"She's...okay. But what about you, Quinn? I feel like it's been a month since I really talked to you."

"Ditto. But I'm...really good."

"I would figure...seeing as it looks like guppy mouth sucked your life out the side of your throat given that hickey. Wait, are there other's I can't see? Oh shit, did you fuck him, Quinn? Is he as big as his mouth?"

"Oh shut up, I didn't sleep with Sam. He seemed interested in Mercedes so I told him to go with it."

"Okay...then who...wait." She leaned closer, inspecting the side of Quinn's throat. The blonde just tilted her head the other way.

"Oh shit! I know that pattern. You let Puck get it again!" the blonde just shrugged, rubbing a thumb over the hickey and closing her eyes for a few seconds. They were just barely darker when Santana gazed back into them.

"I guess I did, yea."

"Well, damn. Props for getting some, Quinn. Mad props. Oh, but yo Lauren will totally destroy you. You should keep this shit on the down. I got your back."

"She dumped him for a soccer player apparently. She's still in the club though."

"Oh. So what it was a rebound thing? You really okay with that?"

"No. He came to me the first night but I sent him away so he kept calling. Eventually I let him take me out and honestly Santana he's just kind of really sexy. Also sweet when he wants to be. And...I made him shave the mohawk away."

"Really? So you're dating, that's awesome Q. That thing was looking a little eight year old-Puck to me. Well shit Quinn I'm happy for you if you really like him and your like safe and shit. I'd love to be an awesome auntie Tana but maybe later."

"I have to agree." The blonde smiled a little sadly at the reminder of the daughter who wasn't hers and never would be.

"Shit, I'm sorry for mentioning it, Q. I didn't mean to hurt you." She extended a hand outwards, slipping her fingers through paler ones.

"I know, it's okay. You can mention it. I won't fall apart. And if I feel like I might, I'll let you know."

"You _can_ let me know. I'll do everything I can to put you back together."

"You do try to and I love you for it."

"Love you too, Quinn. Oh, wait...Am I keeping this to myself as usual?"

"You can tell her, Santana."

"Cool." The latina grinned.

...

"Hey, how was class?"

"It was fun. Aaron regaled me with tales of the land of tamriel and it's provinces of morrowind and Cyrodil. We had quite the lackluster substitute who fell asleep as soon as his rear end hit his chair."

"I still don't understand how you two have this many classes together. Anyway, Aaron talked to you about Elder Scrolls games all class? Did he tell you about the Khajiit from Elsewyr? They're cat people."

"What about cat people?!" Brittany rolled up out of nowhere from her perch on her boyfriends lap."

"I was telling Rachel about Khajiit, Britt."

"It seems quite interesting. He didn't have time to tell me about that. We did get to the argonions though."

"Argonions are cool too! My dad introduced me to the games and he always plays Argonion and I play Khajiit. Artie plays Bretons because they're good at magic." The bespectacled boy waved his hands about to indicate the casting of some imaginary spell.

"Perhaps I should play this game. Would you be willing to walk me through it, San?"

"You know it. Come on let's go to lunch. I'm kind of really hungry. We can use the cheerios lounge to heat up our pasta, Rach. We'll meet you two in the caf."

"Gotcha, Santana. We'll grab a table separate from the club." Santana nodded her thanks to the boy, pulling Rachel towards her locker to retrieve their food. She put her books away and pulled out the containers before shutting the locker. As they walked through the halls towards the cheerio lounge, she looked over at Rachel.

"So guess what I found out first period?"

"Hmm?"

"Quinn and Puck are dating."

"Really? Wow. Well that's an attractive couple isn't it? I think that's great actually. I know he's always loved her."

"They are a pretty hot couple. But hey, we would be a hot couple too, right?" Rachel choked on the water she was sipping, finally swallowing when Santana rubbed gently against her back.

"What do you mean? You and I?"

"No I just meant that we're both beautiful people right? If we were together it would be like a gorgeous bomb went off in the hallways. I guess that is what I said. Sorry, too much?"

"While I'm drinking something, yes. I almost drowned! I just didn't think you would ever think of the two of us that way. I only just thought about it today when we walked in through the doors hand in hand and I thought it may appear as if we were a couple and maybe that wouldn't be so bad in that it may keep the usual miscreants from bothering me, but... I don't know if I could trust _anyone_ with my heart right now as shattered as it feels with Daddy gone."

"I wasnt...I wasn't trying to proposition you or whatever. I just...it just came out." The latina put their food in the microwave and sat down on a love seat, anxiety obvious through her beautiful features.

"I know, Santana. It's okay, I was just surprised. Anyway, I always thought that if you'd ask anyone out for a date it'd be very different than what I'm used to. Before I got to know you better at least."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm going to show you. Ready?"

She shrugged, glad that her friend had found a way to change the subject and direct their attention away from what she'd said moments before. "Yea."

Rachel walked back out the door, disappearing for a few seconds before she strutted back into the room, her skirt swinging around her hips, her shoulder's back, confidence rolling off of her in waves. When she was close enough she pressed her pointed finger into Santana's sternum, sliding her body closer.

"You, me, Breadstix, eight tomorrow night. You're picking me up and you're paying. _ Lucky you_." The character dropped away and Rachel giggled a little at herself.

"Oh my god. I literally used to do that."

"I figured. I've never seen it, but it was what I pictured you'd do. How was my performance?"

"It was pretty amazing Rach. You're as talented as I knew you were." Santana grabbed their food in one hand and her friends other in her free one, smiling as she was led into the cafeteria and to the table that held Quinn, Puck, Artie, and Brittany. She caught the few looks that were sent their way from the glee table but ignored it. They would deal with it later.

"Sup my Jewish American Princess. How are you?" His trademark smirk was present but his eyes were soft and he reached across the table to squeeze the brunette's hand.

"I'm...ok, Noah. Thank you very much for asking."

"No problem, Rachel. Ani mitz'ta'er al ovdancha, Ata be'tfilotay." (I'm sorry for your loss, you are in my prayers.)

"Toda, Noah." Santana didn't ask what they were saying, just opened the two food containers and handed one to Rachel who smiled softly and more than a little sadly at her then dug into her pasta. It was only then that the latina looked up and locked eyes with the other three residents of the table who, with the exception of Quinn, looked confused. The taller brunette just gave Brittany a look that the blonde knew meant not to ask about it. the sadness that seeped from four of the tables inhabitants seemed to kill off the cheerfulness that had been there for the day before then, so the group ate quietly and quickly.

Half an hour before the bell was to ring to signify lunch was over the group split up with the other four heading to the glee table and the two brunettes leaving the cafeteria all together to put away their containers and then head to the auditorium. They sat down in the back of the dark quiet space and relaxed back into their chairs.

"I love it in here when it's empty and quiet like this. Sometimes it feels like the only place in this whole school I can pause, think, and breath. Do you know what I mean?"

"I do understand, but it's different for me. The auditorium is often the only place on school grounds that I can come to and just...sing. with no insults, no boos, no 'Rachel, for god's sake just sit down and shut up'. I can just be who I am here. It's often exactly what I need to let everything go."

"I'm sorry if that wouldn't really help right now." Santana reached over and gently lifted her friend's hand by the wrist, running her fingers over the shorter girl's palm for a few moments before she linked their fingers together and pulled the other girl to lay against her shoulder.

"This does. Being here with you, or you and I holding each other. It helps."

"It helps me too Rach." Santana said, still running her fingers over the small hand in her own.

"I hate that the day has to continue. it would be perfect to just be somewhere quiet and just be with you like this." The latina nodded. She felt exactly the same way. Saying it though, that was different. She'd exposed her feelings enough for one day.

"I agree. Well, tomorrow's saturday. Maybe after you get set back up at home, I'll come over and we can just relax together for awhile in the dark and quiet."

"I know I said I would...and I want to, but I don't know how I'm going to live there anymore with reminders of him everywhere I look. I'll try to fall asleep and i'll remember the way he would carry me to go to bed with him and dad whenever I had nightmares as a little girl. He would tell me I didn't have to be afraid. That I was lucky because I had two big strong dad's to scare away my monsters and protect me."

"Well, now you have your dad and you have me. One big strong dad and one totally protective badass latina. That cover you, Rach?" The jewish girl laughed into her friends neck, nodding.

"I think so, yes. You're such a goof sometimes."

"Are you insinuating that I'm not a badass Rachel? I take offense to that." The other girl shook her head.

"Me? Question your BAMF-status? Never. Noah once told me that a boy did that at a party at the end of our eighth grade year and he was never seen or heard from again." She said dramatically her left hand lifting from it position gripping Santana's jacket to flourish in the air.

"Puck's ridiculous. It was that kid's going away party. He moved away the next day. You should seriously take everything he says as a half-truth when it involves some epic feat he says either he, Quinn, Brittany, or I accomplished."

"I'll take that under advisement." Rachel laughed softly as they tucked into each other, set on relaxing the rest of lunch away. The jewish girl started humming that same song again, playing with darker fingers.

"What is that song?"

"Oh, It's What If, by Coldplay. It's on the X and Y album. I didn't like the album when I bought it but later on, I fell in love with it. Have you heard it before?"

"I don't think so, no." Rachel sat up a little straighter, cleared her throat and sang.

"What if there was no lie, nothing wrong, nothing right. What if there was no time, and no reason or rhyme. What if you should decide, that you don't want there by your side, that you don't want me there in your life." Santana wanted to step in, push away any reservations or fears her friend had about their relationship...but she waited. if Rachel needed to sing this, she would surely let her.

"What if i got it wrong, and no poet or song, could right what I got wrong. Or make you feel I belong. What if you should decide, that you don't want me there by your side, that you don't want me there in your life."

"Ooh, that's right. Let's take a breath, try to put it aside. Ooh, that's right...how can you know it if you don't even try, ooh that's right." The star stopped singing, took in deep breaths, and looked up into dark eyes.

"That was beautiful. But Rachel, why have you been humming that song? Do you think that I don't-"

"Want me around? Sometimes. Or...I did. I'm beginning to understand that you care about me."

"I do. So much, Rach. Please don't doubt that. I'm not the type of girl who know's how to show everything I'm feeling, or what I want, I sometimes don't know myself...but I'm trying with you because you're my friend and you deserve my effort and my honesty. If you ever actually want to know what I'm feeling, just ask and I'll always be honest with you. No lies, no half-truths. I promise."

"What about right now?"

"Right now I'm afraid."

"What? Why?"

"I just know that I've always secretly really liked you, cared about you. But like the fucking coward I was I kept it to myself. Now You know all of that and I think that even after all the shit that I've been through when i've felt like this before, I care about you too much."

"I'm not going to hurt you Santana. You should know that. I'm a good friend I think, I try to be."

"it's not that. I'm probably going to hurt myself, feeling this way about you. After what I accidentally said earlier you pretty much freaked out. I don' want to feel like this. If I could wish it away I think I would. You know... Brittany used to tell me that Lord Tubb's could grant a wish if you brought him fresh salmon, so I went to the grocery store and brought some back...and i asked him to help me stop loving her. It didn't work, really. Over time I fell out of love with her, but my heart was already broken by then.." Rachel processed all that had been said, thinking over what the latina meant.

"So, technically, Brittany's overweight cat granted your wish? What a magical world we live in" Rachel laughed a little, still working her mind over everything that'd been said to her. what did her friend mean 'feeling this way about you'. Which way did she feel? She cared about her, she seemed to love her the way a friend would, even before the tragedy that brought them together... Is that what she meant?

"Yea, I guess it is funny. The latina lifted the arm rest from between them and lay down, her head in Rachel's lap, the shorter girl smiling as she combed her fingers through obsidian hair.

"Tired?" Santana nodded, reaching up with her free hand to entwine her finger's with Rachel's. It sometimes surprised to still-grieving girl how affectionate Santana was with her. She'd never seen her that way with Quinn that she could remember, only with Brittany. Regardless, she loved how connected it made her feel.

"Exhausted. I don't know why. Practice is gonna suck today. Maybe i should have some bananas or something."

"Well, with that and the fact that we only have five minutes until the bell rings in mind, I propose I go get you a couple and then meet you at your locker so we can go to class."

"K. Want me to grab your books too?"

"I would appreciate it. My combination is -"

"I got it, I watched you spin it in this morning." Rachel nodded and stood once Santana was in the isle, following her out of the auditorium and into the crowded hallway.

"I'll see you again in a few minutes, Santana." She walked off as the latina walked the other direction towards their lockers. she grabbed Rachel's books first then crossed the hallway to spin in her own combination and grab what she needed. Her hands were pretty full, so she closed the locker with her back and stay there Her friend walked up a few moments later.

"Two banana's as you ordered, ma'am. Did you want them now or later before practice?"

"One now, the other later. But my hands are pretty full here, let's get to class early and if the doors already open we can put our stuff down and I'll eat." Rachel thought about it for a few seconds, then started peeling one of the fruits, extending it towards the latina's full lips when she had a few bites worth exposed. A little surprised, Santana shrugged her shoulder's and took a few bites, swallowed, then repeated. the first banana disappeared pretty quickly.

"Better?"

"Yea, actually. Thank you, Rach."

"Well aren't the two of you close all of a sudden. I'm curious to know if your simultaneous absences last week had anything to do with that?" the well-dressed boy had crept up without the girl's knowledge, finally speaking when Rachel turned back from tossing the first banana's wrapper.

"Well, I'm curious as to why you think it's any of your fucking business, Kurt. Because it isn't. Goodbye."

"Language, San."

"I'm trying to remember if you've ever called me by my name but I don't remember. Strange indeed. And since when do the two of you go by nicknames instead of creatively insulting monikers made up by half-illiterate cheerios?"

"The cheerios aren't illiterate, Kurt. Sue insists on a B plus average for the girls and they all keep to it. Santana is in A.P. classes and is on the honor roll. The same can be said for Brittany and Quinn. She could be valedictorian by graduation if she put her mind to it and put some hours into community service."

"Well, I can see she's already started on that. Quite a charity case you've found for yourself, Ms. Lopez." Rachel frowned, pouted, and whimpered a little bit but just leaned into her friends side, thankful for the security the hand around her's gave her. This conversation wasn't going the way she thought her inevitable conversation with Kurt would go, given he knew that she was grieving still.

"_What_ the fuck did you just say? Watch your mouth Hummel. I'll bust those awfully pink lips of yours if you keep insulting my girl like that. And how dare you say some shit like that given what you know she's going through. I'd mistakenly believed you were a better guy than that. I won't make the same mistake again."

"Look, I'm sorry. I just don't understand, Rachel...why you went to her instead of asking your real friends to help you through your grief. And since when are you her 'girl'?"

"I did go to my real friend. I don't know what's wrong with you right now Kurt, but I ask that you leave me be until you can leave your negativity and need to attack me, my choices, and my friends behind. Santana was right, It isn't any of your business. We're going to class. I suppose I'll have to see you later." Both girl's walked away towards their class, slipping into the room and away from Kurt's view when they reached it. They found seats next to each other in the back corner of the room and Santana finally put down all of those books.

"He was trippin', Rach. Seriously. Where the fuck does he get off insulting you like that in front of me? He's lucky you calmed me down or I would have knocked his ass out and laughed when he woke up with no hair."

"I actually think that might be a pretty funny prank with the absence of the violence. Perhaps for april fool's day."

"He _is_ a fool. The plan is applicable. Maybe I'll sneak into the hummel/hudson abode and shave his head." The brunette nodded, as she pulled out her notes and book.

"Good idea. But focus, Mrs Calibri is finally arriving, as late as she is."

"Yes mam"

"Is it ok if I don't really want to do this? The way Kurt was acting he would have told everyone, and i don't want to explain everything again. I just don't...I don't need their pity and false care. I just want to...can we go home?"

"You know we can, Rach. You're sure though?"

"Not really. I mean I want to stay...the familiarity of that room can only help." Santana stroked her palm, looking down into her eyes. They were at least five minutes late already. Mr. Shue was already inside and they could hear the beginnings of a song being played. When she heard the song start, Santana raised her left brow.

"Wait...is that? Is that Puck?"

"It is. That sounds like green eyes. Another coldplay song. We should support Noah serenading Quinn. it's an important stage in a relationship."

"Agreed. come on, we'll sit next to her in the front." The girl's walked in, hand in hand, avoiding the eyes of the regular gleeks until they were seated and could see how sincere Puck's eye's were as he sung and played his heart out to the blond next to Rachel. Her eyes shone the green he sung about and they shed a few tears as she watched him pour out his heart for her. Moments later the song ended and the boy set his guitar up on a stand.

"I don't know if I've ever told you, Quinn. But I love you. i do. And I'm soooo fucking happy you decided to give me the chance to show you that i've changed and I want to give you all you've deserved but never gotten." The blonde was smiling so softly and beautifully, wrapping her arms around her boyfriend when he came to her and knelt down to give her a much-deserved kiss. He sat next to her, his hand in both of hers.

"Thanks for letting me sing, Mr. Shue. I appreciate it."

"No problem, Puck. That was an excellent song and I'm glad you're showing us the talent you've always had. Maybe we could try and get you into the front of the line up for Nationals.

"I agree that he should be a lead. I've noticed that his voice matches well with Tina's. Perhaps a duet with the two of them could be arranged. I have a list of prospective candidates for the two of you already done at home. I'll go over it. If, of course, Mr. Shue approves of the plan?"

"It sounds like an amazing idea to get some of our hidden talent to the front stage to shine where they belong, Rachel. Great idea. Any others?"

"I think Mercedes had an idea for a solo. Or she did a few weeks ago. Are you still developing that, Mercedes?' Said girl was up at the top of the risers sitting next to a guilty, sorry looking Kurt and a smiling Sam.

"Yea, I been practicing for the chance I might get to perform."

"What's the song, Cedes?" Santana asked, watching the darker girl's eyes as they shifted between them all. She was well aware of the fact that the girl probably thought Rachel would snatch up the competition as normal and all her hard work would be for nothing. Sam sat next to her, holding her hand, crossing the fingers of the other in the hope it would help her get her solo.

"Uncharted. It's by Sara Bareilles."

"Ooh! I love that song! Can I be your back up singer, Please?! pretty please with cherry pie on top?!" She laughed and nodded her agreement.

"Quinn, would you join us for it too?"

"Of course."

"This is all sounding amazing, guys. I'm so proud of you for working together for this. We need a group number. Anyone have any ideas? Since we're getting pretty good at writing songs I'd like at least one number to be an original. We'll figure out the arrangements when we write it, but I'm thinking Artie, Finn, Santana, and Kurt sing the original if it all fits together. Is that okay with everyone?" He got a chorus of yes' and grinned. Okay, that was great guys. Anyone in the mood to sing anything?"

"Um...I don't want to sing but I have a suggestion for Puck and Tina's song. It's called Stop the World. Or we could use Remember December."

"Demi Lovato? Oh my god I fucking love her!" Santana exclaimed, her eyes excited. Rachel giggled a little, so did Brittany and Quinn.

"Yea, me too. Hence the recommendation. It's arranged for solo so you might have to switch things around if you can. the second song would give Puck a chance to really show off his guitar skills too." Mr Shue thought about it and made a note to get the music for the songs then looked over at Rachel for advice.

"I can work on the arrangement. I'll keep you three updated." Mr. Shue nodded then clapped his hands.

"Alright, so we don't truly have any assignments this week. Just get started on your brainstorming for a song. If you guys have a song already written that you think would fit in Nationals, go ahead and perform this anytime this week. You guys are all so so talented and I'm so proud of you for working together! I can't wait to see what you write. Till next time." Everyone stood and started to file out the door, but Santana stopped Zizes on her way down the riser.

"Awesome song choices, Lauren. I didn't know you were a lovatic." Instead of speaking, the wrestler pulled up her sleeves and turned her wrists up to show Santana the tattoo's inked in there over what looked to be healed over slices into pale skin.

"You have a stay strong tattoo? Why?"

"Come on, look at me." She motioned to her body with her hands.

"I am." Santana said, not moving her eyes from the gray ones in front of her.

"You know what I meant, Lopez. Don't patronize me.

"That shit doesn't matter, Lauren. Like at all." She motioned between their bodies while trying to convince the other girl of what she believed was true.

"Yea...says you. Look at you and your group of friends. You, Berry, Fabray, and Pierce look like fucking models. _You_, personally can't tell me it doesn't matter."

"Look, I'm sorry."

"So you get it...look I'm lonely or whatever and I used to wonder if it was even worth it to live like this but...Demi has been through worse and she got through it in the end. Look at her now. I haven't had anything sharp near my skin in a while thanks to her and what she taught me about surviving through the pain to get to the good on the other side. She's my idol, Lopez. unfortunately I don't think she'd be too proud of me given the way I've used my loneliness and anger as fuel to bully other people."

"So change. I know it aint easy. I'm only working on it now because of someone I care about who's more important to me than a stupid reputation or the anger I've been holding on to. Even if you don't have anyone, care enough about yourself and what you deserve to let loose the person you _really _are." Lauren nodded, then walked went to walk away. Santana reached out and put a hand on her shoulder.

"I just need to get away right now Lopez. I can't handle all this emotional crap in large doses."

"I get that. Just know that if you need anyone to talk to you got me. You got my number from the glee list, right?"

"Yea."

"So use it. I'll see you tomorrow, Lauren."

"Ditto, Santana." The wrestler disappeared and Santana turned around to see who was still in the choir room. Rachel, Quinn, Puck, Artie, Brittany, and Finn." It sounded like the two couples were making plans for a movie night. Finn was sitting on the piano bench with Rachel standing in front of him, talking. Santana watched as they hugged. Burying the flickering flame of jealousy that soared up in her abdomen. The tall boy walked away moments later. She went over and sat down as Rachel started playing, her hands bringing to life another coldplay song.

"They were sitting, they were sitting in the strawberry swing. And every moment was so precious. They were sitting, they were talking in the strawberry swing. And everybody was for fighting, wouldn't wanna waste a thing..." She sung quietly, closing the lid on the keys when she finished. The two of them locked eyes, Santana wiping away the small trace of former tears from mahogany eyes.

"You okay, Rach? What did he say?"

"I'm okay. He just said that he was sorry that he didn't know what to do to or say make me feel better. That he lost his dad so long ago he barely remembered him but he knew it was worse for me. He said if there's anything in the world I ever need to feel better he'll do his best to make it happen. That he was so so happy to see I had someone who really really cared about me to help me through it and that I was lucky that it was you because you love and care with your whole heart."

"I'm glad, Rach. He's a good guy sometimes. I really actually like him when he's like this."

"Me too. Do you want know what else he said?"

"Of course. I've got ten minutes before I have to leave for practice."

"Finn said that he didn't know if what Kurt said about the fact that he thought we might be more than friends was true, but if it was he thought it was cool and he totally supports 'us' and has our back if the school gives us trouble. I tried to tell him it wasn't true but he just kept insisting that he knew it wasn't his business and if I felt like I couldn't come out to him it was fine."

"Are you serious?"

"Very."

"Wow...okay. That's...good... that he supports you and your nonexistent romantic relationship with me?" Santana said, grasping for strings to try and find something worthwhile but unrevealing to say. Rachel captured her eyes and understood Santana's desire to end the conversation.

"Does it make you uneasy? Talking about this?"

"No. Of course not...the opposite actually. But I thought it bothered you, Rach. That is like literally the _last_ thing I want to do so I'd decided to never mention anything like that again and then you tell me this and I love that Finn of all people would support you being with me given how protective he is when it comes to you dating other people but...I know you're not into to that. At least with me."

"That isn't what I meant by what I said, Santana."

"But you said...look, can we just not talk about this? It's confusing the fuck out of me."

"I can tell, and I'll drop it at your request. It just made me think about what you were saying earlier. Anyway let's get you to practice. I guess I'll drop you off and then come back here to work on the songwriting and arrangement of what we've decided."

"You know you could sit in the gym while we practice. Sue won't give you trouble."

"Santana I'll be okay if I'm away from you for an hour or two. I'll have to move back home tomorrow anyway, so I'll have to get used to being and sleeping alone again." Both girls stood and were the last two walking out of the room towards the locker rooms.

"You don't have to...I'd come sleep over if you'd let me."

"I don't _need_ you to."

"it's not that I'm like...babying you or treating you like glass. I don't know I just feel better in general when I can see you. Looking up to see you smiling at me will totally keep me from passing out in my exhaustion."

"Oh, right. Here's your other banana." They were standing outside the cheerios lockeroom with the rest of the little group Rachel had been unofficially inducted into as they all talked amongst each other. Santana dug into it immediately.

"Thank you, thank you. Will you stay? Or do you need the piano to do you arrangement work?"

"I'll be fine without it for now. I'll stay. See you when you get into the gym. Maybe Puck, Artie, and I will wait together."

"We're down, my jew princess."

"Seconded."

"Well there we go, perfect. Goodbye, girls. We'll see you in the gym." The cheerleaders disappeared and the guys plus Rachel went around to the gym, settling on the bottom riser. Pulling books out of their backpacks to do their homework.

"Bro, Quinn totally has you, huh? since when do you do homework?"

"Since my girl helped me realize that I'm worth the work it'll take to get me out of this place. So this is totally the new, responsible, Noah Puckerman, dude."

"I fully support this change in you, Noah."

"You would, it's not like you're not helping Santana be a better person just like Quinn is with Puck. Ya'll got some group couple's rehabilitation therapy or something going on. Me and Brittany are going to have to find something to do I guess."

"Arthur, Santana and I are _not_ together. What is it that makes people keep assuming something like that?"

"Oh...I don't know, it could have something do to with the way you two are attached at the hip. Plus Kurtcedes said something about you literally feeding her hand to mouth earlier."

"Well it isn't true. We're not in a relationship and I don't plan on entering one with her or anyone else for a quite a while, thank you."

"Honestly Rachel you should tread carefully if you've already decided you don't want her that way." Puck said, catching her eyes to let her know how serious he was concerning this particular topic. The former relationship between him and Santana may have not really been a relationship at all, but he did care deeply about her.

"What do you mean."

"He means that it's obvious she cares about you a lot. And for whatever it's worth... it seems from my point of view that she's interested in more with you." Rachel's mahogany eyes widened in honest surprise. Was her friend truly into her in that way? She hadn't noticed beyond the conversations they'd had that day and those could be taken any number of ways.

"The last thing she needs is to have someone else stomp all over her heart. So like i said just be careful."

"I don't want her hurt either. Most certainly not by me. I care about her too, Noah."

"I know you do, Rach. I wasn't sayin' you don't. Just...think about what I said."

"I'll take it into consideration."

"It's all I ask. Back to the goddamned homework. Quinn will totally make me stay home to finish it instead of us going out to dinner tonight if I don't finish it now." Rachel nodded, catching Santana's wave from down on the floor as they ran laps. She smiled down at her and returned the gesture, trying to consider what she could do to make sure she didn't hurt the girl she was growing to care so greatly for.

A/N: I obviously don't speak any hebrew. The translation was googled.


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